loooky

enviroment.

Cosmic Love

There are many things I will never understand, it pains me to say it, but I refuse to lie.. Death and stupidity among these things are always gnawing at my temper. But one thing in particular eats away at my soul constantly. Love.

Or perhaps the idea of it. 

Living in a vast world of stupid bimbos and ignorant douche bags along with failing marriages that lead to divorce takes a toll on how I react to any type of affection. The bitterness and hatred I feel for love butts it's ugly head whenever anyone gets too close or when I become too vulnerable and let someone in..

During high school- Is it really necessary to become obsessed and infatuated with someone you think you know, or giving your everything to a person you feel ONE stupid connection to? For guys to only want the sluts, or the fake girls with no brain?  For girls to settle for what they think is the best they can do or what they feel will make them look good, like ASSHOLES. Or let guys walk all over them because that's what society thinks is right? 

In adult lives- Do you have to stay with a spouse you feel nothing for because of: kids, money, memories, or social rank. Can't you see the harm you're causing to a child's view of so-called love? Or the repetitive heartache you bring upon yourselves? 

Hasn't anyone noticed the amount of failing relationships there are because most of you follow these stupid social codes and morals that mean nothing to your individual soul? You're killing yourselves slowly.

Is there no true romance left? No chivalry? No first dates and butterflies? Maybe we need to strive for fairy-tale endings, because nothing else is making us happy. If we settle for our OWN IDEAL person who will benefit our souls, there would be a lot less heartbreak and tons less restraining orders. 

I know everyone has their ideal 'soul mate', but is it really your idea? From what I can see most of us base our 'love' on the looks from the stupid fucking tabloids and celebrities. Its not REAL. Where are the connections?

Isn't that what love is? Feeling something you've never felt before with one person? Being able to talk for hours or enjoying silence together? Not trying to outdo each other or prove who has the upper hand in the relationship, or should I say 'wear the pants'.

Shouldn't you be able to feel comfortable rather than self-concious when your naked in front of them? Shouldn't you be able to speak anything that's on your mind without being afraid you'll be judged and thrown aside because it's not what your 'partner' thinks? 

I know there are relationships out there based on real love, but how can we find them when we can't stop to understand who we really are and what we truly want. To figure out who we really need, rather than who we think we need. 

I'll can't help but feel alone in a world where we obsess over being together....

Inspiration

Revenant

Its been a good while since I've tried to write. Everything has just been bottled up. And it's starting to get to me. 

So here it goes...

Lately it's been far more apparent how damaging the South Bay is. Most of you are too arrogant to see how truly stupid and pathetic you are. Not all, but most of you.

You don't need to continue reading this if you disagree.

Let's review how pathetic you all are.

Most of the 'drama' you all conjure up is just bullshit used to get attention and feel superior to those around you because you yourself are nothing. 

You mean nothing.

Backstabbing, shittalking, boyfriend stealing, bullying, and just stupidity are immature playground games. Grow the fuck up.

Its disgusting how ugly you and your lives are. Spreading the ugliness like wildfire.

And because of this people who can't deal with it become the victims of your wrath of arrogance and are seriously hurting. Burning alive.

I want you all to open your eyes... 

Open your fucking minds, realize how ugly of a world your creating with selfish greedy arrogant mindsets. 

You ask why I'm such a bitch, why I say the awful things I say or why I keep to myself and stay away. 

Well your all the problem. I know you don't have to be that way. 

I meet wonderful beautiful people who can talk about emotion and revolution without being a fucking CLOWN. Who can admire the deeper qualities the human soul holds. People with their own opinions, INDIVIDUALS.

You don't like me and I wont ever like you. I'll keep listening to Mozart and reading books. Being the intelligently insane bad girl who doesnt give a fuck about any of you or your opinions. You are NOTHING compared to me and you never will be.

My only goal in life is to NEVER EVER be like you. you arrogant pieces of shit. 

XOXO

Pretty Odd

As the summer goes on my state of mind keeps changing and evolving.
I find myself left out of the ordinary teenage things.
Rather than going to the beach or hanging out with people my age-
Im Spending hours at the bookstore and drinking coffee and talking about the future. About things that matter. Being SFF (only Melissa Rosero would get that) that anything could happen.
Listening to "The Girl From Ipanema" station on Pandora and talking about how no one really dances anymore. Dancing in my car and sitting in the backseat with the same people everyday to talk about our odd dreams and weird ideas.
Wishing society could be different and things like chivalry and manners still meant something.
Talking about the perfect guys and getting absorbed in teen fiction novels. Thinking of a life that could really be different. Thinking about science and religion and the universe.
Nano technology and the history channel.

Then the other thoughts start to haunt me..
Follow my every action, even though Ive become expert at shoving it away its still there.
The constant hatred of the human race and discomfort that I will always be different.
Wondering if Ill ever find others like my close friends and I, or a boy that actually is growing up as I am seeing the world as I do, or atleast in a different way than the normal piece of shit guy and in an interesting way.
Wishing I didnt hurt people around me but thinking theres a good reason for me to be a complete bitch.



But My MIND will ALWAYS be Different from yours I suppose. I will always be alone in my mind.

I'm good, I'm gone

its a mystery to me how some people can honestly live. with all these negative things happening around them.
crying about a lost love
bitching about moral standards
yelling about how someone drives

i don't want to be apart of anything anymore

would i much rather be alone?
Lost in my own thoughts and reasoning.
isolated from the bullshit.
being selfish and thinking of only what i want.
bringing good vibes and positive karma, by ignoring everyone around me and treating people how i want to be treated.

Why cant you all just leave me alone?

The more i seem to try and fix my hatred for the human race, the more they prove how shitty they are.
I want relationships and connections.
But how can that happen when I'm surrounded by complete fucking morons?


Sure my hearts broken and i have an unusually short temper, but why must you be so stupid?

at one in the morning am i sitting here thinking of how much i hate people and how much i want to be alone. thinking of how i can change to make them happy? no it should be how to make them change. why are there so few that understand what i do. why cant let go to my grudges and be a bimbo like everyone else

would i really be happier if i were to be apart of what i deeply hate.... i doubt it
I want to have an impact on the soul and figure out how to make things easier and better to live in

I'm surrounded by foul toxic environments that seem to be around every corner.

why are you all such terrible souls? why do you have to live like mongrels

the fine line between genius and insanity

Its been a few days of blankness. Already.
I felt inclined to try again.

It seems another phase in my life is over.
People I used to know slowly fade away into the ignorance and stupidity I don't want to be apart of
Why can't people just be smarter or open to new information?
Dont they understand that knowledge truly is power? The more you have the better your soul becomes.
The American society cares nothing about the future's intelligence and accomplishments.
People focus on fucking celebrities and pointless drama.

Why are we so obsessed with drama?


From High School to the media. Its always around me. I dont care an ounce about any of it. Is that why I feel so alone in my mindset? 
I suppose I am an old soul among children. Feeling like everyone around me is so blatantly stupid for not feeling like i feel. Not seeing what i see. Not understanding the truth behind every motive and comment.
I HATE IT ALL


I know there are those that see how disgusting Americans are. With their overweight, selfish, greedy, ignorant, and STUPID ways of life. I hate this place, but i want to change it at the same time. I want to meet theses people I know exist. I have met a few. The "misfits" but they truly are intelligent. WHY CANT YOU BE THAT WAY? I know its an option
Why do you chose to be stupid and worthless?


They call me crazy? They ask why I'm the bitch? They wonder why I don't want to be associated with them? 
Doesn't anyone know how stupid they look with designer shoes and an addiction to the media, letting it control them
Americans are zombies to this thing we call media, a life sucking piece of shit all revolving around wealth and greed of men.


RELIGION and MEDIA
they're only ways to control uneducated minds.
Is that what everyone is-
A FUCKING STUPID ASSHOLE?


I do wonder at times if I am crazy, insane from the anger and hatred i feel for the human race....
Why must you be so fucking stupid?

Sensible heart

so I skipped a day so here's a long rant to make up for it

There's a lot of things that have made me the way I am, isn't that true of every human that has lived?

There are a lot of things a person can't help but do or feel
There's things only you can decide. Why do we have to much trouble figuring out whAt to do.
The amount of independence a person needs is infinite
With a mindset so different from the crowd I'm unsure if I benefit from it.
Feeling somewhat alone in emotion and thought is actually calming.
There's a lot I think about and so muh to observe. And yet I'm still amazed by the amount o knowledge I can still learn.
"knowledge is power"
isn't that idea what we should base our society values on?
An observation of an ignorant community around me makes that rebellious streak butt it's vibrant head.
Shouldn't your undertanding impact your emotion?
Shouldn't your intelligence levels outweigh your dumb decisions?

There's so many things emotion fucks up, but that intelligence we take for granted could do more than fix our problems.
I suppose there is a fine line between following your heart and being sensible.

My sensible heart will always make mistakes

Gonna try and make it an everyday thing

Be it this blog or yoga and running.

I guess we'll see.

Its funny how we try to make amends with ourselves, to even out things we've said or done. Like paying for people when you owe them money (for something you probably shouldnt have) via a debit card.

Or to make sure you say something nice after you've been a complete asshole.

There's always small insignificant things like this happening to us.

This probably isn't something you'll read is it?

I guess that's the point of this thing. But maybe its more.

Maybe one day I'll be proven wrong, but for now I guess I'll stick with what I observe.

We all want to convince ourselves we'll be heard, but really we want connections.

Being able to speak about the universe or tacos or science... Isn't that what we want.

Speak of eveything in our heads. It's what we need, isnt it?

I guess thats up to me, isn't it.

For the first time in

who knows how long will i be writing in something like this. I deleted my myspace and along with it all the old thoughts and values of old blogs. Its funny how you can think back to only a couple years ago and see how different you were or how much you have changed in a matter of time.

This isn't something we all take lightly. Is it...?

But now what am I suppose to rant and rave about? Dark things come to light eventually I suppose and thats what highschool mostly is. Dark stupidity.