the world spins madly on

Even as things fall apart and people pass on or just through. It wont stop to give anyone sympathy. Why should I?
I've gotten the notion that relationships that are constantly based on bickering or the problems of others do not work for me..
It makes no sense to me that I should worry about someone else's feelings when all I care about is mine. I find nothing wrong with being selfish.. But maybe you do
I dont care very much anymore to be quite frank
Don't get me wrong there are relationships that help me thrive and be truly happy, but I compare those Im mostly happy in to those were Im constantly fighting and I see the major differences, the complex problems that can never be resolved.
So I will cling to only the relationships i feel are healthy...

which leads to a good time of loneliness.
I can see happiness in being alone most of the time. Going to the bookstore and just getting lost in whatever I choose. Or just bettering my MIND by studying or figuring out things I don't understand..
Maybe sitting in starbucks writing poetry to later turn into music.
Or finding new music and ideas others in different places have.
I know I can accomplish much more than just caring on stupid drama and pointless conversations about people I dislike.
It's time to cleanse my mind of all these disturbances that keep me rooted into the fucked up social world of High School.
I'm over it.

There's nothing that's going to benefit me in the long run from these people or their problems.
If that means losing things and creating a different image for myself I suppose I'll have to go through with it.
With any time of change comes hurt, but maybe thats what some people need.
I feel it to some extent but I've realized I dont care, at all.

Maybe its just my cynical mindset coming into crystal clear view, but I'm done with almost anyone who doubts my thoughts or actions.
Everything happens for a reason.

loooky

enviroment.

Cosmic Love

There are many things I will never understand, it pains me to say it, but I refuse to lie.. Death and stupidity among these things are always gnawing at my temper. But one thing in particular eats away at my soul constantly. Love.

Or perhaps the idea of it. 

Living in a vast world of stupid bimbos and ignorant douche bags along with failing marriages that lead to divorce takes a toll on how I react to any type of affection. The bitterness and hatred I feel for love butts it's ugly head whenever anyone gets too close or when I become too vulnerable and let someone in..

During high school- Is it really necessary to become obsessed and infatuated with someone you think you know, or giving your everything to a person you feel ONE stupid connection to? For guys to only want the sluts, or the fake girls with no brain?  For girls to settle for what they think is the best they can do or what they feel will make them look good, like ASSHOLES. Or let guys walk all over them because that's what society thinks is right? 

In adult lives- Do you have to stay with a spouse you feel nothing for because of: kids, money, memories, or social rank. Can't you see the harm you're causing to a child's view of so-called love? Or the repetitive heartache you bring upon yourselves? 

Hasn't anyone noticed the amount of failing relationships there are because most of you follow these stupid social codes and morals that mean nothing to your individual soul? You're killing yourselves slowly.

Is there no true romance left? No chivalry? No first dates and butterflies? Maybe we need to strive for fairy-tale endings, because nothing else is making us happy. If we settle for our OWN IDEAL person who will benefit our souls, there would be a lot less heartbreak and tons less restraining orders. 

I know everyone has their ideal 'soul mate', but is it really your idea? From what I can see most of us base our 'love' on the looks from the stupid fucking tabloids and celebrities. Its not REAL. Where are the connections?

Isn't that what love is? Feeling something you've never felt before with one person? Being able to talk for hours or enjoying silence together? Not trying to outdo each other or prove who has the upper hand in the relationship, or should I say 'wear the pants'.

Shouldn't you be able to feel comfortable rather than self-concious when your naked in front of them? Shouldn't you be able to speak anything that's on your mind without being afraid you'll be judged and thrown aside because it's not what your 'partner' thinks? 

I know there are relationships out there based on real love, but how can we find them when we can't stop to understand who we really are and what we truly want. To figure out who we really need, rather than who we think we need. 

I'll can't help but feel alone in a world where we obsess over being together....

Inspiration

Revenant

Its been a good while since I've tried to write. Everything has just been bottled up. And it's starting to get to me. 

So here it goes...

Lately it's been far more apparent how damaging the South Bay is. Most of you are too arrogant to see how truly stupid and pathetic you are. Not all, but most of you.

You don't need to continue reading this if you disagree.

Let's review how pathetic you all are.

Most of the 'drama' you all conjure up is just bullshit used to get attention and feel superior to those around you because you yourself are nothing. 

You mean nothing.

Backstabbing, shittalking, boyfriend stealing, bullying, and just stupidity are immature playground games. Grow the fuck up.

Its disgusting how ugly you and your lives are. Spreading the ugliness like wildfire.

And because of this people who can't deal with it become the victims of your wrath of arrogance and are seriously hurting. Burning alive.

I want you all to open your eyes... 

Open your fucking minds, realize how ugly of a world your creating with selfish greedy arrogant mindsets. 

You ask why I'm such a bitch, why I say the awful things I say or why I keep to myself and stay away. 

Well your all the problem. I know you don't have to be that way. 

I meet wonderful beautiful people who can talk about emotion and revolution without being a fucking CLOWN. Who can admire the deeper qualities the human soul holds. People with their own opinions, INDIVIDUALS.

You don't like me and I wont ever like you. I'll keep listening to Mozart and reading books. Being the intelligently insane bad girl who doesnt give a fuck about any of you or your opinions. You are NOTHING compared to me and you never will be.

My only goal in life is to NEVER EVER be like you. you arrogant pieces of shit. 

XOXO

Pretty Odd

As the summer goes on my state of mind keeps changing and evolving.
I find myself left out of the ordinary teenage things.
Rather than going to the beach or hanging out with people my age-
Im Spending hours at the bookstore and drinking coffee and talking about the future. About things that matter. Being SFF (only Melissa Rosero would get that) that anything could happen.
Listening to "The Girl From Ipanema" station on Pandora and talking about how no one really dances anymore. Dancing in my car and sitting in the backseat with the same people everyday to talk about our odd dreams and weird ideas.
Wishing society could be different and things like chivalry and manners still meant something.
Talking about the perfect guys and getting absorbed in teen fiction novels. Thinking of a life that could really be different. Thinking about science and religion and the universe.
Nano technology and the history channel.

Then the other thoughts start to haunt me..
Follow my every action, even though Ive become expert at shoving it away its still there.
The constant hatred of the human race and discomfort that I will always be different.
Wondering if Ill ever find others like my close friends and I, or a boy that actually is growing up as I am seeing the world as I do, or atleast in a different way than the normal piece of shit guy and in an interesting way.
Wishing I didnt hurt people around me but thinking theres a good reason for me to be a complete bitch.



But My MIND will ALWAYS be Different from yours I suppose. I will always be alone in my mind.